Lola’s Story

My name is Lola and I’m 23 years old.  My hair is dark, past my shoulders.  My eyes, the windows to my soul, are unreadable, or so men have told me.  They have hidden depths.  If they knew what was really hidden in those depths, they would never sleep again.  I couldn’t even begin to describe to them the horrors and humiliations that I’ve suffered over the last decade or so….but I sometimes think it would be amusing to try, to watch them squirm and writhe in horror, whimper pitifully like the  bitches they really are.

Men find me attractive but that’s not really surprising.  I have a dancer’s body and I’m beautiful, or so I’ve been told, but beauty really is only skin deep.  There is darkness in my soul.  I’m damaged goods…

I was 11 when I was taken.  It was the day of my audition to play Marie in The Nutcracker.  I’d practiced for months and, with casual childish arrogance, had assumed that the part was mine. I just knew that I was going to be Marie!  How could it not be?  I’d danced each step to perfection.  I rushed gleefully from the stage into my mother’s arms, expecting her to be as excited as I.  Instead she urged caution, warned me that the part wasn’t yet mine.  Pushing her away I yelled that she didn’t know what she was talking about, to go away and that I hated her.  Those were the final words to my mother.  How often I’ve regretted them, wished that I could take them back, although I doubt that she remembers them now, for I have been replaced.  Replaced with a perfect daughter, one who doesn’t shout that she hates her mother.  This perfect daughter is a fetch.

Quite simply I hate her.  She has stolen my life, the life I should be leading.  I have considered killing her, torturing her, making her scream and beg for mercy, like they did to me.  They stole 12 years of my life and she should pay for that.  All the while I’ve been living in that hell, she has been going to school, making friends, dating….all those everyday things that we all take for granted.  Except people like me…

But how could I?  What would I tell my parents?  How would they ever understand?  How would I ever begin to explain?

What if they didn’t want me?  Their perfect daughter replaced with me.  Their lives would be turned upside down, it would be as though I were the fetch.  They don’t know me anymore.  I’m damaged immeasurably.  I’m not sure the old Lola exists any more. That place made me into what I am today and that person is destined to walk alone.  It can be no other way.


50 Films for 2015

A friend of mine recently recommended this Facebook group to me, 50 Films for 2015.  It is a group of film lovers sharing views on films that they have seen and enjoyed. I joined the group and it has inspired me to keep a list.  This seemed like the ideal place to do it!  This post will be updated every time I see a new movie and I may write a separate post if the movie particularly moves me.

My 50 Films for 2015

1. The Theory  of Everything (January 2015)

2. Taken 3 (January 2015)

3. Before I go to Sleep (January 2015)

4. The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (February 2015)

5.  Exodus Gods and Kings (March 2015)

6. The Lucky One (March 2015)

7. Run All Night (March 2015)

8. Turbo (March 2015)

9. The Croods (March 2015)

10.  A View From the Bridge (March 2015)

11. Mockingjay: Part 1 (March 2015)

12. The Last Stand (March 2015)

13. Interstellar (April 2015)

14. American Beauty (April 2015)

15. Paddington (April 2015)

16. Penguins of Madagascar (April 2015)

17.  The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (April 2015)

18. The Godfather (April 2015)

19. Big Hero 6 (April 2015)

20. The Last Knights (April 2015)

21. Chaos (May 2015)

22. 2001: A Space Odyssey (June 2015)

23: Jupiter Ascending (June 2015)

24.  The Equilizer (June 2015)

25. Mad Max Fury Road (July 2015) – Abandoned

26. Django Unchained (July 2015)

27. The Great Gatsby (July 2015)

28. The Road (July 2015)

29. Ant Man (July 2015)

30.  Ex-Machina (August 2015)

31.  The Outlaw Josey Wales (August 2015)

32.  Terminator Genysis (August 2015)

33. Avengers 2 (August 2015)

34.  Minions (August 2015)

35. American Sniper (September 2015)

36. RED 2 (September 2015)

37. Pompeii (September 2015)

38. Spy (September 2015)

39. Suffragette (October 2015)

40. Mr Holmes (November 2015)

41. Spectre (November 2015)

42. The Man from Uncle (November 2015)

43.  Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (November 2015)

44.  Hitman 47 (November 2015)

45. Lady in a Van (November 2015)

46. Inside out (November 2015)

47. Pixels (December 2015)

48. The Water Diviner (December 2015)

49. Star Wars: The Force Awakens

50. Jurrasic World (December 2015)



Body Beautiful

It is that time of year when people are focussing on the body beautiful concept.  Everyone has overindulged at Christmas and now January is here it’s the time to get it all right.

The office is full of people drinking herbal tea and nibbling on salad leaves, the radio is full of adverts for low-fat foods and gyms, the gyms and classes are full of people trying to achieve that body beautiful.  So many people think they will be happier, that their life would be more complete if they were a few pounds lighter.

I hear so many women (and men) belittle themselves because of what they weigh or how they look.  The put things off until they look differently or weigh less.  What a great shame!  So many people fail to recognise their own beauty and the amazing person that they really are.  They are so focussed on the negative things that they don’t notice the good bits and don’t hear you when you tell them how amazing they are.

Putting things off until you are slimmer or look a certain way is a waste of life.  Imagine if tomorrow was your last day on earth.  Would it really matter that you were heavier than you ‘should’ be (I use the term ‘should’ loosely).

I’m not advocating living an unhealthy lifestyle, I’m advocating loving yourself, being kind to yourself, focussing on the good points and living life now.

We are besieged by images of the perfect male/female body in the press, the perfect life, what you should wear/drive/eat.  The list goes on. Ask yourself why???  Why should we eat that food?  Why should we look that way?  Why should we drive that car?  The press is selling you an idea, the idea that if you have that product or look that way you will have a certain kind of life.

But will you be happy?

I have always been overweight.  I enjoy food and don’t exercise enough.  For so much of my life my weight had an impact on absolutely everything.  The things I wouldn’t do!  I could fill pages with those.  It got to the point where I simply couldn’t be assed to be worrying about my weight every 2 seconds.  I exercise more now, eat better and as a consequence, I have lost some weight and toned up.  That wasn’t my main goal.  My main goal was to live a healthier lifestyle.

I’d long questioned the media perception of how life ‘should’ be but then I discovered Jes Baker and realised that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way!

I’m not here to preach, just to way that everybody is beautiful in their own way and they shouldn’t be down on themselves just because they don’t look a certain way – a way that is pedalled by the media.

I was inspired to write this post because of a throwaway comment “What a shame he/she died.  It’s such a loss.  He/she was so attractive”.  This left me scratching my head and wondering if it would be such a shame and such a loss if they were not attractive.  Realistically I know that wasn’t what the comment maker meant, but when you break it down and look at it, how is somebody’s attractiveness in any way related to the their death?  Somebody has died.  It is a loss no matter what they look like.

Some will say it is human nature to be so interested in attractiveness but for me there is far more to being attractive than looking a certain way.. It is about what kind of person you are.  That’s what true beauty is about (for me).


That’s What Country Is

Sunday morning found me going through my emails and idly flicking through the Billboard Hot Country Songs list.  I rediscovered my love for country music about a year ago.  Sadly Country isn’t as popular here in the UK as it is in America so it can be harder to lay my hands on the music.  At the time I was still using an Iphone so I managed to get some songs through the app store.  It was working out expensive though…that’s when Google Play entered my life and my Country music obsession really took off.  I pay a set subscription fee (9.99 per month) and I can access all the music I like!  It’s fabulous.  It means on days like today I can go through the Hot Country songs list, try out the songs and add them to the playlist if I like them.

Favourites of the moment are Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line and Parmalee.  My next paragraph was going to be about how I’d love to see Luke Bryan live but despite searching, I’ve never seen him tour the UK, probably because country music isn’t as popular here as in the USA.

WRONG!! A quick google search revealed that Luke Bryan AND Florida Georgia Line will be playing at the O2 in March at the Country to Country Festival!!  Why have I not heard of this before??  This will be its third year.  After some deliberation I’ve booked a ticket!!  How exciting and spontaneous!

Now I’m on the countdown to March!


The Woman Who Stole my Life – Marian Keyes

I used to be a big fan of Marian Keyes when I was a teenager. As I got older I fell out of love with her books because they were all very similar and I could identify less with the characters.  One of the vital ingredients of a good book for me is that I am able to identify with the characters, even if I can’t understand their motivation for doing something or I am disappointed by their decision.  I have to care about the characters.  I found that was happening less and less with the characters in Keyes’ books.  As a consequence I have (intentionally) missed many of Keyes’ releases over the last 10 years or so.

However, I was enticed by Keyes’ latest offering ‘The Woman who Stole my Life’ by the cover!  Shallow?  Probably but it attracted my attention and so I requested it from the library.  I could have just checked out the blurb but I find that sometimes you don’t get a feel for a book until you are a few chapters in, drinking tea and curled up on your sofa.  It didn’t cost me anything so what the hell!  I was quite impressed by the fact that the library had such a recent release.

I have spent some of today reading and I confess that I have only got to page 43 but I already know that this book is not going to be for me.  The main character, Stella is a people pleaser who goes through life trying not to make waves.  She is not very strong and doesn’t appear to deal with conflict well.  I prefer strong characters.  I identify with them more.  I just want to shake Stella and say to her ‘for gods sake stand up for yourself woman!!’.

I’m not sure where the story is going.  I’m sure there is a story to tell because Stella was a best selling author at some point who lived in New York.  Now she is back in Dublin so there is a story there, I just don’t care enough to find out.

It isn’t a bad book per se, It just isn’t to my taste.  If you enjoyed Marian Keyes’ other books I’m sure you will enjoy this one but this really wasn’t my cup of tea at all……NEXT!!